Smell of Remembrance, Smell of Longing

Have you ever taken a deep breath and smelled some type of food and then gotten a mental sensation that reminded you of a time past? I get those from time to time - a smell that reminds me of my Mom roast covered with my Grandmother's relish, the smell of oranges that take me back to time walking into my Grandmother's kitchen and being drawn to her orange drop cookies, or the smell of vanilla cooking and then hungering for my Mom's vanilla pudding. It worries me how often the smell of something reminds me of some type of food from my past. I don't recall eating that much when I was younger but looking at myself in a mirror now, I guess maybe I did!

I have another smell sensation that really stirs some strong feelings within me. In fact, it creates an intense desire, a deep yearning, to act upon those sensations within me. It's the smell of woods, leaves, fresh water and the like. I causes me to want to load up my car with tent, sleeping bag, food, chair, books and journal, and head to the mountains.

I try to explain this desire to my wife but she just doesn't fully understand me. I try to explain the sense of calm and peace that I feel when I can get away for a couple of days for "retreat" but she wonders why I want to leave her for those few days.

It has nothing to do with leaving her or not wanting to be with her - but it has everything to do with recharging my spiritual, mental and emotional batteries so that I can love her better, and me, my vocation, and my life. It isn't because I am dissatisfied with my life, it's that I want to become more satisfied. And sometimes I feel the need to have more than a few hours to do that somewhere different than at home or the area in which I live my life every day.

Does that make sense?

I get this urge, interestingly, about every few months, especially after an intense time in my life and/or work. Let me also say that, about as often, I have the strong desire to take off with my wife/family and go away someplace to be with them, for very similar reasons: to recharge our connections to each other, to be "alone" and away from the familiar, to draw closer and more intimate.

I was having the "family time" yearning a month or so ago and Heather and I were able to take a few days and go to Myrtle Beach. It was a grand time, the two of us just lounging around by the pool or hanging by the ocean. Haley, our daughter, joined us for a day and it was almost perfect - having my other daughter and my son and his wife join us would have signed the deal!

Our schedules are crazy and now that Haley is in Color Guard, well, we are about to learn a new definition to what crazy is. But it will be even more important that we as a family spend time apart from the world and reconnect with each other, be lazy together, and enjoy someplace a little different than were we live out our lives.

But I still have that "I need to get away into the mountains for a couple of days" feeling and the smell of trees, lakes and streams, and mountains, calls to me. My soul wants to escape from the noise and business of the day and be in God's creation and commune with Him.