Random Thoughts On Turning 50

It has taken me this long - almost two weeks after my birthday (12/24) - to find the time and mindset to write about turning 50. I admit that I had greater "anxious" expectations about it that actually came to pass - which is a good thing.

I admit that I was apprehensive about the day. I'm not sure what I expected to happen - go balled instantly on the morning of my birthday? - but I certainly had some anxiety about it. For a few weeks before, even maybe a month or so, I had a sense of stress about it. "I'm turning 50. I'm old. I'm now in the last half, or less, of my life. Is it all rapidly coming to an end? What will do? Will my wife still find me attractive? Will she see me as 'too old'?" On and on I went. It was strange, these feelings I had. They were, and to some degree, still are, hard to put into words. And there was some embarrassment that tagged along with having those feelings. Even some guilt. I mean, in the midst of these feelings and questions came the issue of the role of my faith in Christ and where he fit into all this.

I mentioned some of this in an email to a friend when these feelings were just in the "inkling" stage. She wrote back some words that someone told her when she was struggling with turning 30 (30? Oh to be 30 again!). In essence it was, growing older is better than the alternative - death. True, to be sure.

Still, coming to the realization that you are now as old as your parents were when you started thinking that they were old (sorry Mom and Dad), it can shake you a bit. My choice is, either I can dwell on the inevitable fact that I AM on the downside of life or I can see going into my 50's as an opportunity to grow even more - emotionally, mentally and, most definitely, spiritually. (I guess I should add physically as well, being that I still need to "tone up" a bit - OK, a little more than "a bit".)

I preached a sermon today about going into the new year, and growing another year older, as a time to claim new territory that God has called us to - crossing the Jordan into the Promised Land. It's easy when you come to these landmarks of age, or a new year, or major crises or changes, in life and dwell on the past; to look back and focus on either the "good old days" or the failures and shortcomings (and I have had more than my share). Those were certainly part of the feelings that I was struggling with. I can't help but wonder what opportunities I missed, where I could have been now in my life - vocationally, educationally, financially - if I had done things differently, if I had any positive impact in the lives of the people that crossed my path in life. But again, dwelling on these things is not healthy or beneficial nor does it change the past.

We not only look back into the past but we look toward the future with a bit of anxiety because of the unknowns. And they are many. The thing about dwelling on the unknowns is that...their unknown! - and what can you do about an unknown? Hopefully, you have learned from the past - and it's never too late to learn - and as a result you approach the future with greater wisdom and discipline. That certainly is my hope for me. And I have learned many lessons so I should be quiet wise in approaching the future. Yeah, right!

But in the midst of all this looking back and looking forward, here I am in the present, turning 50, entering another year. It was while I was experiencing my second surprise birthday party, as people shared their words of testimony about me (yes, me) that I really began to realize that what I have now - my wife, my family and friends, my ministry and church, and the things that God has blessed me with right now - are given to me to move into the future. Not alone, not old, not unwisely but with the leading and power of God, the love of special people, and a clear call to serve the Lord as I follow him.

I wish I could say that God gave me some special verse. He didn't, though I guess he gave me a passage - Joshua 3:1-17 that would take me doing my whole sermon again, and I'll spare you of that, but above all he just gave me a sense of peace, confidence and encouragement from those words that family and friends shared.

My son put together a wonderful PowerPoint presentation that was very touching and funny. I really wanted to share it here but I haven't found a way to convert the PP so I can upload it here. But he also wrote and sung a song that was very special:

Another year to celebrate
A dad that is incredibly great
He's stood by through the years
Through the pain, the joy, the tears
He's stayed strong and held on tight
To our Lord who has led him right
I can't imagine a better dad
I hope my kids can say they had…

A dad like you, honest and true
A dad like you, loving and kind
A dad like you, strong and wise
A dad like you, my best friend

Remember singing songs in the car
"Hey Jude", "Our House", got us far
Talked ourselves hoarse on a trip back from school
I always thought you were so cool
I watched you struggle over what to do
When the Lord was calling to you
I've seen your faith grow and your joy abound
And it spreads whenever you're around

A dad like you, honest and true
A dad like you, loving and kind
A dad like you, strong and wise
A dad like you, my best friend

As I grow up I begin to see
That you are more than a dad to me
You are my guide, my friend
And I know that will never end
Your love and support for my sister and I
Has never stopped and I can see why
Because you're led by your Dad above

A dad like you, honest and true
A dad like you, loving and kind
A dad like you, strong and wise
A dad like you, my best friend

I am truly a blessed man, who is 50 years old. I thank the Lord for all that he has given me, the struggles that he taught me through, the blessings that he surprised me with, the people that added grace to my life. My hope and prayer is that I will be the light that brings glory to my God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit through the next 50.

Brand new in the world!
12-24-57